If only ...

If only, I had more time.

If only, I had more money.

If only, I got that promotion ... that new job ... a new car.

We've all been there. We wish our lives away sometimes. If I could only survive this week at work. Or, once I finish with this project, I'm going to fill-in-the-blank ... write the Great American Novel ... get a new job ... start working out ... lose weight.

We've all been there.

I read a passage in the Book of Awakening the other day about straying from the moment. Once you stray from where you are in the moment, you create a tension between where you are and where you want to be. And this tension blocks you from being truly alive.

The moment you quit living in the moment and start thinking about something else, you set yourself adrift. Lost in the moment of where you need to be and thinking about where you want to be, think you need to be, wish you could be. Your efforts cease moving you forward in this life and put you in a perpetual daydream. It becomes less about doing and achieving and more about wishing.

There's nothing wrong with having a dream, a daydream, a pipe dream. But you'll never achieve the life you want or deserve, if you stop moving forward. It's human nature to drift off, we all do it.

But the key is recognizing when that moment of relaxation or wistful thinking becomes a block to achieving your dreams. Living for the moment also means realizing where you are in that moment and seizing the opportunity. I've heard it said - "The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers, but most importantly, the world needs dreamers who do."

How many moments will pass before you realize your life has left you behind?

OK, it's official

Yeah, I suck. LOL. You can't claim to write a blog if you're only out here once a year.

But, I guess the good news is you can always start again. A lot has happened in the last year and I think the time is right for me to commit to this process full-time. No more excuses, no more reasons not to.

Just have to do it.

So, let's get this back in gear. 2016 has started as a fantastic year, so now is the time. Our oldest son, Shaw, bought a house in Lafayette where he continues to excel at a CPA firm there. Our oldest daughter, Shelby, had a baby -  Mason Fitzgerald Skipper. Beautiful healthy baby boy. Our daughter Ryann, who got engaged in 2015, bought a house. And our youngest, Matthew, is nearing the end of his college education and on the verge of starting his career and life. Lot going on.

And, I - after a 31-year break - finally graduated from college with my bachelor's degree. Technically, I haven't walked yet, but I finished the last class and now it's just a matter of getting that diploma in my grubby paws. Hard to describe the feeling. It's part pride and satisfaction for completing the task, but then part regret and self-loathing for taking so long and making up so many excuses for not doing it sooner.

A demon I have battled over the years is the fear of failure. I took a "you can't fail, if you don't try" approach to a lot of things ... especially early in life. I think this demon always made it easier not to do it, not to get started, not to make the effort. Luckily for me, two strong women in my life wouldn't let me be satisfied with mediocre. My sister, Linda, and my wife, Lisa, have been instrumental in helping me grow and evolve into who I am today.

They both deserve to walk with me.

Lesson learned for today. You can try to dodge who you are, who you are destined to be in life. Ultimately though, you spend more time in that effort and bear the frustration and aggravation - and eventually the shame - of trying to hide from yourself.

The effort is better spent in accepting yourself, your role, your life's journey and making the most of it. I look now at all the excuses, all the time wasted and lost. I'll never get that back.

Best served to embrace who you are and make the most of the opportunity. At the age of half-a-century, I realize the precious commodity time is and what a waste it is to squander it. You only get one ride on this crazy roller coaster, better make it count.